How to Find a Therapist for You

Finding the right therapist can feel like a daunting task, especially when you're already dealing with personal challenges. It’s not just about finding someone who is qualified, but someone you can truly connect with and feel comfortable opening up to. The process often involves trial and error—sometimes the first therapist you meet might not be the right fit, and that’s okay. It can take time to find a therapist whose approach, personality, and communication style align with your needs. Many people experience frustration or discouragement along the way. While it's normal to experience the range of emotions that finding a new therapist may consist of, there are some things we can look out for that can help you during this process...

Feeling "the click"

Just like when going on dates or meeting new people our gut reactions and initial feelings of warmth and comfort tell us a lot. I like to call it “the click” - the feeling you get when you just know you’re around the right person. Because therapy is such an intimate and vulnerable experience, feeling like your personality, experiences and feelings are understood and validated is crucial to your success in therapy. In fact, the relationship between a therapist and a client is one of the most impactful factors in how effective therapy is for you. 

But just like with dating or making new friends, not everyone makes you feel welcomed and heard. Sometimes it takes a few first sessions with multiple different therapists to find the one that’s best for you. It's important that you listen to those feelings rather than ignoring them.

It may help you to check in with yourself before and after sessions with a new therapist. Ask yourself the following questions after your first few sessions with a therapist to help you determine if this is the right person for you:

• Do I feel safe and comfortable?

• Do I feel listened to and understood?

• Do I feel judged or ignored?

• Do I feel like I can open up to this person?

• Do I feel like I need to act or pretend?

The right approach

Choosing the right approach to therapy can feel confusing, especially if you're new to the process. The best way to figure out what approach works for you is to start by understanding your goals for therapy. Are you looking to manage anxiety, heal from trauma, or improve your relationships?

Different approaches are tailored to different needs. For example, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) focuses on changing negative thought patterns and behaviors and can be great for anxiety or depression. If you're dealing with deeper emotional wounds or childhood trauma, something like Psychodynamic Therapy or EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) might be more helpful. Maybe you are feeling out of touch with your mind and body and want to process and explore your childhood experiences. If so, Internal Family Systems (IFS) might be the creative and holistic approach you are looking for. If you are battling thoughts of self harm, struggling to regulate your emotions, and want to work on coping techniques Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) may be the way to go. If you are actively hurting yourself or have strong thoughts of suicide please call 988.

If you're unsure, many therapists offer integrative approaches, blending multiple techniques to suit your specific situation. It's also okay to try different methods or ask your therapist to explain their approach—therapy is meant to be a collaborative process. Therapists are happy to answer your questions about therapy and excited to see you being involved in your own therapeutic process. Ultimately, it’s about finding what feels most effective and comfortable for you and your needs.

Consider what's practical

It seems so obvious, but making sure the location, frequency, modality, and timing of your therapy sessions is convenient to you is important for your therapeutic experience and your relationship with your therapist. If therapy is too hard to go to, it of course decreases your odds of going. Having consistent sessions is important to both your progress in therapy, but also in building a stronger relationship with your therapist.

Take your own schedule and habits into account when booking with your therapist. If you are a night owl and a potential therapist only has early morning sessions, maybe the risk of being moody in the morning or sleeping too late makes their sessions less practical for you. Or maybe you are a working mother and have only 45 minutes to spare in the day so online sessions are most convenient for your schedule. For the best experience in therapy, make sure that you give thought to how you can most easily add therapy into your day.

No excuse to not communicate

If you are going to learn how to express your needs, therapy is a great place to do it. How about starting right away? Just as it is a therapist's responsibility to communicate with you, it is just as much your responsibility to communicate with them. Come to your first session or consultation prepared with questions and needs that you can communicate. Therapist's want nothing more than to support you in the way that is best for you. However, we are not mind readers and still need you to advocate for your needs and preferences.

It is absolutely okay to ask a therapist about their approach, methods, and expectations of you as their client. It also more than okay to ask your therapist to try a new technique, to tell them something is not working, or to express when you do not feel comfortable or safe. After all, therapy is a process between two humans and requires collaboration.

Don't give up

Finding a therapist is a process that can be harder for some of us than others. There is no shame in having to try multiple therapists or multiple approaches. It's important to remember that finding the right therapist can make a huge difference in your mental health journey. It’s worth the effort to keep searching until you find someone who really "gets" you.