Perfectionism is Killing Self-Care

Many of us have realized that it’s time to better take care of ourselves. We’ve started implementing self care practices. Maybe we started to get massages, tried that new work out class, or began meditating every morning. And while all of that is one giant step in the right direction, there are some of us who feel no difference or who feel just as stressed by their self-care practices as everything else in their lives. If the idea of self-care is bringing you stress or you’re feeling dissatisfied after engaging in self-care activities, it’s possible that your perfectionism is killing yourself care.

Let’s discuss a couple of myths about self-care that may help you take some of the pressure off your own self-care routine so that you can more fully enjoy the benefits of taking care of yourself.

Myth 1: Self-care has look or be a certain way 

Social media, magazines, and the countless adds for skincare, moisturizers and candles have created an image of what self-care should look like. Especially for women, the image of self-care that comes to mind for many people is of sitting in a bubble filled bathtub with candle lighting and a glass of champagne. Although this might be what self-care looks like for some, it is not actually what self-care needs to look like. There is no perfect image of what self-care should mean for everyone. In fact, it’s in the word self-care that it should be good for yourself! Allow yourself to drop the “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” of what self-care needs to look like in your life. 

Myth 2: Self-care needs to feel a certain way 

How crazy is it to assume that every time we do a certain self-care regime we will be able to predict exactly how we will feel? There’s almost nothing we do that produces exactly the same emotional reaction from us each time we do it. Self-care is no different but it doesn’t mean we need it any less. If you are feeling stressed about how destressed you should be post self-care then perfectionism is running the show. It is okay for you to feel the same or different during or after self-care. Having it be part of your routine is ultimately more important than how impactful each self-care action is in the moment. Especially if self-care practices are new for you, patience and acceptance are key in allowing yourself to benefit from the self-care experience. 

Myth 3: I don’t have enough time so I can’t do it at all

Self-care has no time requirements. While it’s wonderful to spend hours watching your favorite show, sitting in the park, or finishing your next crime-novel series, not everyone has time to do that everyday. For some of us, it’s hard to even make that time once a week. Luckily, self-care can be done through the little things we do during the day as well. Self-care can be allowing yourself five minutes in the morning to engage in mindfulness or taking a walk on your break at work. Self-care can be the small intentional decisions you make during the day to show yourself that you love and care for you! 

Myth 4: I have to pick the perfect self-care activity and do that each time 

There is quite frankly no perfect self-care activity. We are constantly changing and so are the things that make us feel happy or at peace. If you find yourself putting a lot of pressure on yourself to complete a specific self-care routine, maybe create a list of options for days you want to explore something else. You can try new things, start to dislike things you used to enjoy, and need to adjust your routine to match your life style and needs. Allowing yourself to explore new ideas for self care can be a caring act in itself. Self-care will grow and change the same way you do.

Bring self-care back to life

The one constant thing about self-care is that you deserve it. Trust that there is no perfect way to do or feel self-care, but that the action itself is what matters most. Exploration and acceptance can take you so much further with self-care than perfectionism ever could.