To Blame Myself or To Blame Others

When things go badly we all have a tendency to try and find someone to blame. Some of us blame ourselves, and some of us blame the people and world around us. If our tendency to blame ourselves or to blame others is unbalanced, we may feel the negative consequences on our mental health. By exploring this tendency in ourselves with curiosity, we may open our minds to a more realistic picture of our place and role in our own circumstances. 

Locus of Control

Locus of Control refers to the belief about the degree to which life events are influenced by one's own actions—defining individuals with an Internal Locus of Control—or by External factors beyond their control—defining those with an External Locus of Control. Those with an Internal Locus of Control tend to believe that events depend on their own actions, whereas those with an External Locus of Control typically view events as being driven by luck, chance, fate, or the influence of powerful others.

Check out the difference 

Here are a few scenarios that may help illustrate the difference in perspective that having an Internal Locus of Control or a External Locus of Control can have:

Scenario 1: Tommy was told by his boss that his job is on the line because he keeps failing to hand in his weekly reports on time. 

Internal Locus of Control: Tommy is worried about being fired from his job but knows that if he had prioritized his weekly report and stuck to his plan to work on it the day before that he wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place. Tommy feels regret and anxiety about this situation but is motivated to do better next week. 

External Locus of Control: Tommy is angry that his boss is threatening his job because it wasn’t his fault that his coworkers kept coming into his office with questions and problems that distracted him from doing his job on time. Tommy feels frustrated and unmotivated to change because he doesn’t think it was his fault that he got into this situation in the first place. 

Scenario 2: Maya feels horrible because she cannot complete the 5k race with her friends because she twisted her ankle on the rocky path they were running on. 

Internal Locus of Control: Maya feels horrible about herself because she believes that if she had only paid more attention to where she was running then she wouldn’t have tripped and ruined her run. Maya sits on the sidelines feeling stupid and embarrassed as she watches her friends keep running. 

External Locus of Control: Maya feels irritated by understanding that things like this happen because the roads are really hard to upkeep during the fall months due to the constant wind and rain. Maya sits on the sidelines knowing that even though it sucks that she can’t finish the race, that maybe next time she will try running a 5k in the summer or spring. 

Through these examples you can hopefully see that there is a time and place for each Locus of Control. Neither perspective is inherently negative, but if they are unbalanced, they have the potential to worsen our ability to regulate our emotions or respond appropriately to the circumstances taking place around us. 

How does it impact my mental health? 

A lot of research has been done about the life outcomes that occur based on which perspective we primarily see the world from. Internal and External locus of control predict various behavioral, cognitive, and emotional outcomes across different areas of life, such as well-being, satisfaction, and performance-related behaviors and results. Research shows that individuals with an Internal locus of control tend to engage more in intellectual and academic activities, leading to greater success in school and work. They also exhibit higher job satisfaction, job performance, interpersonal trust, life satisfaction, self-esteem, and well-being. In contrast, External locus of control is negatively associated with life satisfaction, self-efficacy, and self-esteem. Likewise, individuals with a more Internal locus of control are more likely to take risks, exhibit impulsive behavior, are more resilient, and hold optimistic expectations. In comparison, those with an External locus of control tend to have more pessimistic expectations. The bottom line here is that if we are willing to look inwards at our part in things, we may be more likely to make changes to impact our lives more positively. 

While this research paints the External Locus on Control in a more negative light, there are some benefits too. Having an External locus of control can have positive aspects, such as increased sensitivity to one's surroundings and a heightened awareness of others, which can make individuals better team players. They may also find it easier to let go of things beyond their control, leading to greater happiness in situations where External factors are at play.

You may also find that your Locus of Control changes based on different areas of your life. When it comes to success you may feel very responsible for your academic or financial prowess and achievements. But, when it comes to relationships, you may instead feel the success or failure of your relationships is primarily due to the actions or motives of others. Your Locus of Control is only bad when it begins to negatively impact your life, mental health, and ability to achieve your goals.

How to change my Locus of Control?

1. Challenge your beliefs. The beliefs that we have about how the world works are the core for how we think about everything else. Sometimes it is important for us to evaluate those beliefs we hold so close to us to see if they are part of the problem or worth changing. For instance, if you believe that you have no power over your own success, give yourself the opportunity to prove this wrong. Take an action that has the potential to make you more successful and allow yourself to learn from the results. Experimentation can be so powerful!

2. Check if your Locus of Control feels helpful to you. It is even working for you to believe that everything is your own fault or that nothing is your fault at all? Do other people in your life respond positively or negatively to this type of thinking? If you are leaning too far in one direction, it is likely that you can feel the consequences of it. Take a look at how you respond to your circumstances and honestly ask yourself if that is something you feel good about and you will find if your belief system is truly working for you. 

3. Ask the perspective of those around you. It can be really difficult to look inside and see clearly what needs to be changed. Most of the time the people in our lives have already made those observations for us. Be willing to let others in and guide you based on their experiences watching your highs and lows. If asking those you are close to feels too intimidating, try asking your therapist about patterns they may have observed in you. 

Remember that there is a healthy time and place for both your Internal and External Locus of Control. It is up to you to determine if the way they show up in your life is balanced and effective enough for the way that you want to see yourself in the world.