Your Responsibility as The Client in Therapy 

When I begin working with new clients, I always inform them that my approach to therapy is one of teamwork. I will show up prepared, listening ears on, and ready to meet them where they’re at. In return, I explain a few responsibilities that they as clients should take on for the most productive and effective therapeutic experience. These responsibilities, however, are not limited to what I expect from my clients, but what is helpful and appropriate for anyone in the role of a client in the therapeutic relationship. Taking on the following responsibilities can enhance the therapeutic alliance between you and your therapist and can give you a leg up in working towards your therapeutic goals. 

1. Be open to trying new things 

If the way that you’ve been doing things was truly working for you, you likely wouldn’t be in therapy. Therapists are trained in so many therapeutic modalities and techniques. Each therapist comes with their own toolbox of skills and approaches that are worth dipping your toes into. The risk of trying new things in therapy is so much lower than continuing to do things in a way that is no longer effective for you. Sometimes the approaches therapists might suggest can feel “woo woo” or silly. For example, if you’ve never engaged in role play in therapy, it can feel weird to do it for the first time, but you’ll probably find that your therapist was onto something and that playing out a scene that you’ve been building up in your head helps you to feel more prepared for the confrontation or takes some of the fear of the unknown away. We might not like everything we try, but be patient and open and you might find things that help that you didn’t expect. Trying new things can make you feel vulnerable, so building trust with your therapist first can make it feel safer to explore. 

2. Be communicative about your thoughts and preferences

Your therapist cannot read your mind and so it is your responsibility to communicate how you feel about what is currently going on in therapy. Your likes and dislikes matter. Your preference for a certain technique over another matters. There is so much trial and error in therapy, but communication about it is what allows your therapist to know how to best move forward. How you feel towards your therapist is also a key subject to communicate about. Our feelings towards our therapist are an incredibly important piece of information to explore in therapy and often lets us in on much larger relationship dynamics we might have outside of therapy. Expressing to your therapist if you feel angry or annoyed or even in love with them is all crucial to the effectiveness of therapy. Remember that the therapy space is yours, so allow your therapist to help keep it safe and productive for you.

3. Be willing to do the work outside of session 

Therapy is typically 45 minutes out of your entire week. Yes, wonderful and powerful work can get done in this time. But, it is not the only time that the work should be getting done. Some therapists will assign specific tasks for homework whether it's journaling, practicing coping skills, having conversations with people outside of session, or even working on adjusting your sleep schedule. Therapists don’t do this to annoy you, but rather to push you to continue the valuable work that was done in session on your own. Even if your therapist does not explicitly assign you homework, thinking about what was talked about in therapy and diving deeper into the insight related to it is part of your job outside of your session. Therapy is just one part of your mental health journey, applying what you learned to the rest of your life is the other. 

4. Be honest 

If you are lying in therapy then you are making it impossible for your therapist to help you effectively. The job of the therapist is to take the information that you provide them and to create a treatment plan that helps you to achieve your goals. You wouldn’t expect a scientist to be able to solve the problem if they didn’t have accurate information. With a therapist it is no different. Each piece of information you share with your therapist helps them build a more clear image of what is going on for you and therefore a deeper understanding of how they can best support you. Therapy is confidential and your therapist is never there to judge you. Let them in for the sake of your mental health. 

5. Be present 

When you are in session do your best to focus on the conversation between you and your therapist. It is okay and natural to get side tracked or distracted. But, you shouldn’t be texting on your phone, google searching, or responding to work emails. Not only does it take away from the experience that you are paying for, but is frustrating from the perspective of the therapist who wants to help you. You deserve the 45 minutes to be solely about you and your mental health journey. And if you struggle to stay focused, let the therapist know and they can likely help you strategize or change things up to keep you feeling involved and motivated. 

6. Be prepared 

You have to bring in the content! Your therapist has no idea what you’ve done or experienced since your last session. Your therapist also has no idea about your childhood, your relationships, your symptoms or your successes unless you bring it to the table. It’s okay to feel unsure about what to talk about in therapy each day. Sometimes we have a great mental health week and it feels like we are low on content. Those days can be especially helpful because they can give you and your therapist a chance to explore some of the things about your mental health that are often pushed away because they are less urgent. It can be helpful to come up with major areas of your life that feel important to talk about with your therapist at the start of your therapeutic journey so that when you have a day where you feel lost, you have a resource to look to. There's always something and it’s your job to at least try and find it. 

Final words on the matter

This list hopefully helps you feel more prepared for your role as a client in therapy. The biggest thing you can do is to keep showing up. We might not always feel excited for our next session, but showing up for yourself by showing up for therapy is 45 more minutes of kindness to yourself than you’d be doing otherwise.